Good Monday evening to you and yours. By the time I post this, it may be Tuesday, but alas…

As I lie here, reflecting on these past few weeks, wondering what on Earth I’m going to write about, the only word that comes to mind is trust.

Having trust in yourself—in your instincts, in your abilities, in your state of being—turns out, it can take you a long way. I know this to be true because I lived without it for a long time. And on days when I don’t have it, I know it, because it feels like my world is crumbling beneath me, without a solid foundation to stand on for support.  

But here’s the thing. It’s a wholeeee other can of worms when it comes to trusting other people. You can have so much faith in yourself only for one singular person to make you take that faith away from you. As it turns out, if someone says something with assurance and full confidence in what they are saying, who are we to question their truth? It is quite literally built into our DNA to trust them—to survive as a species is to build a community of people around you on whom you can rely. 

Such is why it is all the more important for you to stand behind your morals and values, pull from multiple sources, and learn how to weed out misinformation. 

Easier. Said. Than. Done. 

I’m going to go on a bit of a tangent here, but I promise it makes sense to the moral of this blog post…

I’ve been having TMJ problems for over a year now, and I finally got around to seeing a dentist. Partially it was my forgetfulness in booking the appointment, and partially it was because TMJ doctors are so. expensive. Y’know, cuz dental care isn’t included in healthcare packages, cuz my jaw pain isn’t considered to be part of my body, whatever. So by the time I was done doing my research, I found a doctor who was (somewhat) affordable for the initial consultation. 

And as I’m sitting there, and as she’s telling me everything that could be wrong with my jaw, I’m only half listening because I’m suddenly seeing my face in a completely different way. She’s like “your chin points to one side and your face is asymmetrical, and you have a cross bite, and trauma to your chin at a young age ruined its growth,” and I’m staring at myself in the mirror and only just realizing that, oh yeah, my face IS asymmetrical, now that you mention it. 

By the time she’s finished with her speech, she asks me if I have any questions. And I just sit there and I’m like, “so, what’s the next step?” And because I’m not a jaw doctor and because I am now convinced that I have the crimson chin, I let her convince me that I need a comprehensive exam taken and that I need to fork out over $1,000 in advance of the next appointment. 

And I’m walking home saying this all to my mom on the phone, and she’s like, “wait, you already paid?”

And I get home and tell my roommate and she’s like, “wait, you didn’t get a second opinion?”

My face both times: :0

And it’s because I put my trust in this random medical professional. After all, she’s the professional; I haven’t studied dental care; I know nothing; she has the answers. 

These days, as I have to make more and more decisions for myself in adulthood, I’m realizing how much trust plays a role. And if you let trust in yourself falter, your ability to reason will do the same. I went into that appointment knowing that I had a clicking jaw and I wanted to fix that, and came out of it thinking my whole face was fucked up. 

Anyway, it’s going to be fine, I chose that dentist for a reason, because I read the reviews (“best dentist in Park Slope!”), because she was way more affordable than the other ones I called. But this is all to say: Don’t rush into making a decision just because you’ve lost a sense of trust in what you stand for. Don’t let others make you doubt how you feel. I feel like this is especially true in the Internet age, where we see so much information that it’s difficult to remember what we know to be true. 

Remember this all as you move through your week. I know that I will try to. 

Happy Halloween, readers!